openhanded | recolle ic inbox.

[It helps a lot to have Sorey comfort him like this. His shaking gradually dies down as he starts to relax.

Mikleo leans slightly into the brunet's touch, but he still looks troubled, and a little haunted. He takes a deep breath to calm down, taking a moment to collect himself.]

You're right. I was watching it as a third party, though I don't know the significance of it. As for how I lived....

[He pauses as a thought crosses his mind. A question that he'd never thought of before this point.]

I wonder...if humans can become seraphim.

[That's... interesting in itself. How would anyone be able to view someone else's memory? Maybe it's a spell or some gift of resonance that Sorey's never heard of... He's not sure.

But then Mikleo tosses out that theory and Sorey stiffens. He can't help it; it's such a shock to think that these beautiful pure beings could somehow come from humans. He thinks again of the men killing each other in the basin and how that gave birth to a dragon.

It's... almost impossible to believe. But many of the seraphim they've met-- the ones that Sorey has traveled with at least-- have a human shape, and distinct human personalities and characteristics.]

I... I guess if that could happen, then it explains how we were able to grow up together. But then...

[He presses his lips into a line and he hugs Mikleo tighter.]

It sounds like we really didn't have parents.

[Mikleo notices the stiffening, and frowns a little because of it. It does sound far-fetched, but what other explanation is there? He died as a baby, or was at least near death, and he very much isn't human in their memories.

It's fascinating, though a bit morbid, and a lot of questions crowd his thoughts. How does the process work? Are there certain traits humans have to innately have to make such a thing possible? Does it require the human to die? What happens when they become a seraph? Do they change in personality or—?

He shakes his head, brought down to earth when Sorey starts speaking again.]

But we did have a family. We must have. That village we left had to have been where we were raised.

[Sorey doesn't want to think about what his life would be like with his mom. Is she even the same mother he had in his other life? He isn't sure, and he might not ever find out. He doesn't want to know because it might make this life less real with that knowledge.]

We weren't alone. [That's what matters.] But we must've had someone who acted like a parent-- who took us in and fed us...

[He trails off after a moment and refocuses on what Mikleo feels, what he's doing. It's much easier to deal with someone else's feelings than his own.]

... Are you okay? Do you need anything?

Yeah....

[Whoever those caregivers are, they must have been important to them in the past.

Mikleo knows this tactic of Sorey's far too well to fall for it completely. He shakes his head at the question, slumping a bit against the brunet.]

I'm fine, just...a bit tired after all that. [The pale-haired man looks up at his fiance.] How about you? This was a lot to take in all at once.

I totally understand. [Crying always makes him tired too, but having an episode like that... god, he hasn't seen Mikleo like that for months. Maybe not since he crawled under the desk that one time. He runs his fingers through Mikleo's hair more, trying to be comforting and distracting.

It doesn't work. There's a hesitation, just a brief one, that gives him away.]

I'm fine. I'm just thinking about-- about where I might've come from. Maybe I wasn't born in that same village you saw burning, but it makes more sense if I was... I don't know.

[He doesn't know a lot of things. He doesn't even know where his actual dad came from... let alone his name. The most he can guess is that he was a foreigner, which doesn't narrow it down any. American? British? Russian? He might never know.

Who raised them in the other world? ... What happened to his mother?]

At least we turned out okay, [he murmurs, and smiles in a way that doesn't reach his eyes.]

[Mikleo's not thrilled about having another episode. Still, the fingers in his hair help to soothe and relax him more.

The hesitation definitely gives him away. He keeps looking up at Sorey's face, and it hurts to see him smile like that. It doesn't reach his eyes and it's just...so obviously fake. Mikleo isn't sure about everything going through his best friend's mind, but he can guess it's to do with his family and the lack of knowledge about certain parts of it, both in this life and the last. He sits up more in the brunet's arms so that he can better meet his grey eyes.]

Hey. [He gently touches his partner's face with one hand.] Whatever our past lives were, it doesn't change that we still love our family in this one, too. Your mom here is still your mom.

[Mikleo moves his hand from Sorey's face to thread through his even more unruly hair.]

Don't shut me out. I need to know your thoughts and feelings, too.

[Sorey knows that Mikleo is going to say something before he opens his mouth. Sorey's never been good at hiding things from Mikleo, and he sure as hell isn't going to develop that skill overnight. They're two parts of a whole and so it's... it's better that way, it means that Sorey can't turn in on himself and simmer. Still, he worries that he might not be strong enough for both of them. He worries about so much lately.

He closes his eyes and leans into Mikleo's hand, cool and soft, and he doesn't fight when it shifts to his hair. If anything, that's the quickest way to get Sorey's attention and calm him down.]

I'm sorry, [he whispers.] I'm not trying to shut you out. I just have a bunch of thoughts swirling around and I'm still trying to make sense of it all.

[Which is basically what Mikleo was worried about.]

Some people have mentioned to me that this world maybe isn't as real as we think it is. And with the way things disappear and the monsters running all over, I... I'm starting to have my doubts, too. I know we're real, Mikleo. I know the connections we've made are real, but... twenty years of memories with my mom and my family, my jiiji...

It feels like at some point, someone reached in and replaced everyone we knew with paper cutouts. As if we couldn't tell the difference.

[Mikleo just nods and listens to what Sorey has to say, continuing to thread his fingers through brown hair. It's certainly confirmed his worry that the brunet's been stuck in his own head for what seems to be a while, now. He's glad that he's finally coming out of it.

He can certainly understand the feeling his partner's describing. Mikleo isn't sure when it happened, but there's been a disconnect between himself and whatever life he's leading now.]

Yeah. I feel the same way.

[The older man sighs softly.]

The more that happens, the less real things seem. I think it's because we're getting more aware of what's going on, and the flashbacks we keep getting aren't helping matters, either.

[Mikleo kisses Sorey's forehead softly. Another gesture of comfort, hopefully enough to help with a very uncomfortable situation to be in.]

We'll figure this out. But you need to tell me these things. [He gives his fiance a lopsided smile.] I know it's hard with how stubborn you are with keeping things bottled up, but I want to help you.

[He's not surprised to hear that Mikleo feels the same way but it doesn't make Sorey feel any better. He sort of wishes Mikleo could tell him that he's worried about nothing, that he's just imagining things. Even if it was a lie, Sorey would believe him without question.

But they're adults and they have powers and they can't just stick their heads in the sand. That's never been their style in this life or the last.]

If we're not the people we remember being, and this life isn't completely real, then what does that make us?

[The little forehead kiss is nice but it comes with some chiding. Well-deserved as it is, Sorey doesn't fight it. Mikleo is trying as hard as Sorey is. Maybe even harder: Sorey, at least, will always be human.]

There's only so much anyone can do about this. Just having you next to me is enough. [He bites his bottom lip for a moment.] But... I know it's really not. My kids are having a really hard time. I'm trying to be what I can for them, but I need to be here for you, too...

[If there's one thing Mikleo never wants to take a gross advantage of, it's the level of trust Sorey puts in him. He knows that the brunet will believe him unquestioningly, and times like this reminds him of how important it is to stay honest.]

Well, aren't we still the same person at our core? The Sorey in my past life acts almost exactly like you would. [Hm. Words.] What I'm trying to say is that we're still ourselves, even if this life is fake.

[The pale-haired man frowns a bit at that. Sorey's missing the point.]

I've never questioned you doing your best for me or for your students. The point I'm trying to make is that you need to let me in and support you, too. You get trapped in your head, and you let those thoughts and feelings pile up until you can't take it anymore, but you won't talk about them.

[He knows why, too. Mikleo knows that his friend has never wanted to be a burden, but it gets to an unhealthy degree when it deals with being an emotional burden. It's only gotten worse since Sorey's jiiji's death.

Mikleo brushes the hair out of Sorey's face and brushes some behind his ear.]

Sorey, it's okay if you don't want to or can't talk to me about it, but you should talk to someone. I'm not so fragile that I can't take whatever you need to unload on me.

[He goes back to running his fingers soothingly through his fiance's hair. God, Mikleo just hopes he gets it now.]

I guess you're right. We're not the same people exactly because we were raised differently, but we're still us.

[His feelings seem to be the same no matter what life this is. He doesn't remember saying anything of the sort, but the way that Sorey went about his Shepherd duties-- and his ceremonial sword-- implies that he doesn't like hurting people. It's the same for Sorey now.

He frowns back, knowing suddenly that he must've missed something. Mikleo doesn't yell, thankfully. You get trapped in your head. The way Sorey huffs proves it, as he's been told that before. And yet he always forgets...

His eyelids flutter as Mikleo tucks some hair behind his ear. He takes a deep breath and tries not to let his pain shine through, but he really is hurting lately. He should have told Mikleo sooner.]

I haven't told anyone. Every time I remember something, it seems so much worse than the last.

[As Mikleo suspected.]

Mikleo, do you know what happens when a seraph's vessel becomes corrupted?

[Mikleo's just glad that Sorey finally gets it. Not all of the pain can be seen, but he's known the brunet their whole lives. He knows that Sorey will try to hide the depths of it.

Dread forms in a leaden weight in his stomach, but he ignores it. He has to know. It's important for both of them.]

No, I don't know.

I remembered us going through a museum to track down a hellion. When we purified it, it was a seraph named Atakk. He had watched over the museum for ages, but then people started destroying the art and selling it, and he got so angry that he just... transformed.

[Sorey had been surprised to hear this, too.]

Seraphim are influenced by their vessels. If that vessel becomes tainted with malevolence, then... seraphim can turn into hellions, too.

[That's one of the final pieces they were missing, wasn't it?]

If something were to happen to me, you--

[Admitting it is the worst thing. His throat is tight and he knows he's getting emotional, but how can he not? He remembers clearly what kind of monster they'd fought, and how Atakk had hated himself and remembered everything he did. Mikleo would never want to become a monster. He'd never want to hurt anyone else.]

-- t-then I would hurt you, and you'd be a hellion and it'd be my fault!

Edited 2017-08-07 00:00 (UTC)

[Mikleo listens without comment. His expression shifts to surprise at the idea of Atakk transforming into a hellion, and how much of a double-edged sword vessels can be. The danger increases exponentially if it's a human that's a vessel.

He catches on to Sorey's thought process in that same moment the brunet starts talking about a hypothetical situation. Mikleo puts his arms around his fiance, holding him close and inviting him to bury his face in his shoulder. Gently, the older man starts rubbing his back to try comforting him.]

Oh, Sorey. [He plants delicate kisses in his mess of brown hair.] That won't happen. Okay? It won't. I won't let you walk down that road. If you stumble, I'll catch you.

I don't think just feeling something that's negative is enough to corrupt you. So, you'll be okay. We'll be okay.

[Sorey rarely lets his emotions bubble over like that, but Mikleo's already shared something himself. How can he keep things from Mikleo when they're pledged to one another? How can he continue carrying the burden by himself when Mikleo touches his face and tells him not to do it alone? Sorey's always had a terrible weakness for his childhood friend. If Mikleo wants something, then Sorey will give in every single time.

He takes the invitation to nose into Mikleo's pale shoulder.]

I'm sorry, [he whispers brokenly.] I should've told you earlier. I was-- I was scared. I've been trying to stay strong and be calm for everyone else, but I'm terrified.

[He runs his fingers through Mikleo's hair, too. They're partners. Partners means mutual cuddling sometimes.]

You're right. I know you'll catch me. A-and I'll catch you. I'll protect you with everything I have.

[A shaky breath.]

The last thing I want to do is hurt you.

[Mikleo just holds him close, rubbing his back and threading fingers through brown hair. He kisses Sorey's head and shifts his legs so that his partner can get as close as he wants.]

It's okay, Sorey. I understand, I really do. But you don't have to be so strong for me, okay? I feel...helpless when you're not telling me what's going on.

[The older man tightens his hold around his lover and kisses his head again. Mikleo knows more than anyone how protective Sorey can be over him. Heck, the brunet punched a reporter for him.]

I know you don't. I'll protect you, too. Even from yourself.

[It's also why he'll forgive Sorey every time he accidentally hurts him. Even in this, even if Sorey's emotions turn Mikleo into a monster, he'll forgive him.]

Oh, Mikleo...

[Sorey shifts closer at the invitation, but he makes sure to sit up a bit so he can look Mikleo in the eyes. At the very least he's regained some amount of determination. He dusts Mikleo's cheeks with tiny kisses like they were freckles.]

You're always protecting me. I feel like I'm the helpless one sometimes...

[He smiles and it's a touch sad. He's thinking about their fight and how pathetic Sorey had been. They can't afford to do that now, not with monsters running about.]

I'm sorry for not sharing my memories with you. Can you forgive me?

[Mikleo can never help smiling when Sorey kisses his face like that. Goddamn it. He does his best to return every single one of them. Their affection has always been mutual, even if Mikleo's a bit quieter/shyer about it.]

Hey, you protect me in important ways, too. The shadows of my past, for one thing.

[The older man brushes his fingers lightly against one of Sorey's cheeks. He returns the smile, soft and gentle, but confident and fond, too.]

Of course I forgive you. Just try not to do it again, okay?

[Mikleo leans in to kiss his partner's lips, like it might chase away some of that sadness from his smile.]

You've always been stronger than they are.

[Sorey leans into Mikleo's hand and closes his eyes. Even though things are crazy and kind of terrible, he wouldn't change anything he did to get here. He belongs with Mikleo, side by side, as they face whatever life throws at them.]

I'll do better from now on, I promise.

[He won't say no to a little kiss, though... He keeps it tender and soft, as if there aren't dragons and elephants rampaging all over the city.

Of course something interrupts them anyway. He pulls back and blinks, disoriented.]

It... it just came back to me. Elysia? Elysia. That was where we were from. And--

[Something seizes the tip of his tongue.]

-- Gramps. [It's such a rude nickname, but it was what they called him. He looks at Mikleo with wide eyes in the dark and says nothing, wondering if he remembers, too.]

Only because I have strong support with you and mom.

[Mikleo's going to hold Sorey to that promise. For now, though, he'll just enjoy the comfort of being close to the brunet. Of course, the moment's interrupted by a flashback. Elysia. Names, faces—]

Gramps.

[It's said at the same time Sorey says it. His eyes are just as wide. A rude nickname, sure, but there's so much affection held in that one word.]

...I think that answers our question. [He bites his lip.] And there were others. Natalie, Mason, Kyme....

[Sorey realizes that he knows where jiiji came from.]

Shiron, Medea, Cynthia... Loanna and all the others.

... They were our family, weren't they?

[Mikleo nods slowly. There's affection and fondness when he thinks of those faces and names. Like how he thinks of his mom.]

That's what it feels like. A whole village of seraphim taking care of us....

[It can't have been easy, especially given the biological differences between seraphim and humans.]

[Sorey is quiet for a moment. And then:]

It... takes a village?

Edited 2017-08-12 17:53 (UTC)

[Mikleo gives him a flat look.]

You should feel bad for that one.

[He deals with enough puns from his mom, man!!!]

recolle ic inbox.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject